So here I am still in bed. I fully had the intention of getting up today and being productive but the sads took over and I just rolled back over in the purple abyss that is my bed. I hate feeling this way but sometimes I feel like I need to be sad so I won’t forget that it will always come and go when it pleases. So that I remember what its like and to realize that everyone feels this way. I should be content with my life at this point but I am not. I’m almost done with school, I am in a relationship that has lasted over a month, Iv’e met wonderful new people and I have my old job back. So why am I not happy with all these things? I feel like I am never satisfied and constantly disapointed. Iv’e tried to settle and accept things for what they are but am I selfish for wanting more? Am I selfish for wanting things that make me whole? I need excitement, unconditional love, surprises, adventure, that feeling of being alive. Being alive and free. I am stuck in a numbness and routine that drives me into a bitter resentful state of being. I am fading away, the colors being drained away day in and day out. What will happen to me once all the colors are gone? In the absence of light, all I will be is darkness. I have always been good of keeping the facade of fine. Just fine. Is that all I’ll ever be? I am tired of being just fine, I want to be wonderful, fantastic, beautiful. Happy would be nice for once. But underneath being just fine, I am being choked and I’m afraid that one day I’ll just suffocate and that will be it. That will be the end of my fiery spirit. Snuffed out for good and it will be oh so difficult to reignite that sad little flame.